I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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