Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
