I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
