I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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