i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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