Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
