We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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