I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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