At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
