quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
