So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
