did you get engaged???
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
