He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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