I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't turn off my feet"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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