why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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