Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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