I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
