Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
