you traded sex for a burrito?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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