Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
