is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
