I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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