We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
