Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
