This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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