I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
