Too much gin, very little bucket
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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