mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
