I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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