On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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