Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
