You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
