I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
did i just pee glitter
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
