We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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