He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
