You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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