Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
