What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
