there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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