yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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