If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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