Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
