Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
