So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
