I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
