Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
