Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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