I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
