i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
