Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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