I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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